Shame is one of those feelings that can quietly take up a lot of space inside us. It’s the sense that there’s something deeply wrong or unlovable about who we are—not just what we do. If you’ve ever felt “less than,” “not good enough,” or frozen by fear of judgment, you’ve met shame. But shame is not your truth. It’s a learned feeling—a protective signal gone awry.

What is Shame?
Shame is often confused with guilt, but they’re very different. Guilt is about something you did or didn’t do. Shame is about who you are. While guilt can motivate us to change behavior, shame tends to shut us down or push us away from connection.

Being Shamed by Others
When others shame us—whether through words, actions, or neglect—it can send a strong message that we’re unsafe or unworthy. This experience affects the brain’s threat systems, triggering feelings of fear, disconnection, and sometimes rage or withdrawal.

Internalized Shame
The most painful shame is often the one we tell ourselves. Internalized shame becomes a harsh inner critic, a voice that tells us we’re not enough, too much, or fundamentally flawed. It can damage self-esteem and keep us stuck in patterns of self-sabotage or isolation.

The Neurobiology of Shame
Shame lights up the amygdala, the brain’s alarm center, and can push the prefrontal cortex—the thinking part of the brain—offline. This makes it hard to reason or calm down when shame strikes. But the brain’s plasticity means it’s possible to build new, kinder pathways through mindfulness and self-compassion.

Gentle Ways to Work With Shame
Healing shame begins with kindness. Here are some gentle practices you can try:

• Notice and name shame without judgment
• Bring awareness to where you feel shame in your body
• Practice journaling prompts like “What story am I telling myself?”
• Use breath and body awareness to soothe your nervous system
• Seek safe, supportive connections that remind you of your worth

You are not your shame. It is a feeling, not a fact. Healing is possible, one soft step at a time. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you are deeply worthy of love and belonging.

With love,

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