It feels weird to write out the title to this post. Of course therapists are human. Obviously. Then why are so many of us shamed when we have our own feelings or make mistakes in life? Why does it feel so scary and even embarrassing to share a story about our own trauma, internal work we are doing, or pain we are healing? 

We are often expected to have the answers, the tools, and the techniques. We are expected to “know better”. When we dare to colour outside the lines, it can give people a sense of entitlement in judging us more harshly. This must explain the confusion and judgment, right? There is a bigger issue here. 

Hot take 1: I think that being a therapist is one of the best shame passes.

Hot take 2: Therapy is the quickly becoming the easiest weapon in conlicts. But let’s tackle one hot take at a time for today. For the sake of today’s post, let’s take on the first one. 

Shame is a huge problem in our society. It’s used it for nearly everything. Shame is used to control others, to make them feel small, and to keep them where they belong. Many people use shame and don’t even know it. Or rather, they don’t know one important thing. Whether or not someone uses shame and HOW they do so is revealing everything about them. Unfortunately, the people through which they are revealing themselves often suffer. Projecting, scapegoating, gaslighting, and so on. All the buzz words, but for good reason. 

What’s the antidote to shame? Empathy. True, genuine, and vulnerable connection is that key to unlocking it all.

This is not just my feeling. The research validates it. Awesome, right? Yep!

But… Work still needs to be done. For me, it’s showing up and expressing myself freely and peavefully. Simple for many. Radical for me. 

Today is the day that I post this without freaking out after. Not too much, anyway. Today is the day I will celebrate for the little girl from a big family who  

Whilst this will not be a piece about my childhood trauma, I feel it important to mention certain points. I knew some things for sure when I was younger: I would leave. I would build a beautiful life. I would experience true love. Why? Because the alternative was not an option. How? I didn’t know. But styaing in that environment and finding any peace seemed way more challenging and unlikely. Again, did I know exactly what I meant by that? Nope. I just had a feeling.

I am beyond grateful that I was as “stubborn”, “dramatic”, and “obsessive”. It takes that kind of laser focus to keep moving forward and trust yourself. Even when you don’t quite believe in yourself and are scared that you’ll fail. Even when the risk is that a life worse than the one you’re leaving is waiting for you on the other side. 

I had no idea what I had been missing not knowing what true love felt like. Whether it be a family member, friend, or a partner. Genuine connection. The real deal. I mean real, unconditional love and connection. That feeling you get when you feel truly secure with someone. That feeling of angst you DON’T get when you wake up in the morning or after an interaction. 

That life. From yourself to your people, you know it’s all true good vibes. That life. Even during the hard times. Especially during the hard times. You’re safe. You can be your authentic self. You can love and be loved fully. 

In the end, it worked. I achieved what I set out to do. My dreams came true. I left my home town. I built my dream business. I found an idyllic place to call home. More than one, actually. I also experience true love. Every day. 

At this point on my journey, I’m on a quest to figuring out how I can relate to myself in a more loving way. How can I take all that I have learned about love and safety to a more internal level. How can I learn to offer myself the same compassion, safety, and love? 

I spent so many years unpacking, healing, then unlearning and relearning. Now, I’ve built a life that aligns with what I believe and what I know to be true, healthy, and secure. I’m no longer living in survival mode or in shame based on old stories and conditioning. 

This part of the story is currently being lived…

On this journey, I will be sharing stories along the way. The ups, the downs, and everything in between.

Posts will be a combination of my experiences and evidence-based content. Along with this, I will be sharing educational resources based on my work and research if you want to do further reading. 

Thank you for being here with me. 

Here we go